Stop. Please Stop.

I've been feeling incredibly lonely these past few days.  I hate this.  It reminds me of last year when my high school friends abandoned me.

I just don't really fit in anywhere.  I'll always be a part of the group, but I'll never be in the group.  I don't fit in with Adrianna's friends, and I guess I don't fit in with Sami's friends either.  I don't fit in with the Single Ladies, I guess because I don't live in the A. Hol.  Well, whatever.

I think I overwhelm people when I talk to them.  I take over the conversation with useless facts about myself, or about Glee, or about some other fact about pop culture that no one cares about.  I can feel myself doing it, too, like I'm watching myself from afar.  But I can't help myself.  It's like word vomit; it just comes out.  Then I get too loud, and my face turns red, and I become defensive, and overall annoying as hell.  It makes me think I'm socially retarded or something.  I honestly don't know what else to contribute to the conversation.  I don't know how to act around people.  I just can't stop.

Why can't I stop?

I wish that I belonged somewhere.  I mean, I'm a fucking sophomore.  You'd think that I would have found my niche by now.  Everyone says you find yourself in college.  Well, it hasn't happened yet.

It feels like high school all over again.

Fuck.